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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Friday, 2 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 118

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Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

2 October 2026

0919 Zulu

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· Page 2

Iraq evacuates nonessential workers, fortifies embassy ahead of US presidential inauguration

Iraq also asked the U.N. to set up a "no fly zone" over Washington, D.C.

Filed · 0500

WASHINGTON — The Iraqi government on Monday hastily evacuated all nonessential Iraqi personnel from a rapidly destabilizing United States as the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden approaches on Jan. 20. Additionally, engineers have been building fortifications at the Iraqi Embassy in anticipation of tensions once again erupting into violence.

Fareed Yasseen, Iraq’s ambassador to the United States, explained the move while loading terrified civilians onto an Iraqi Air Force transport helicopter.

“We had such hope that the political situation in America would mature to a greater degree than it has,” said Yaseen while ducking gunfire near the embassy grounds. “Of course, the Republic of Iraq stands as a partner to help America in her journey to rejoin the community of nations, but we feel anyone not associated with security forces should be sent to someplace more stable, like Michoacán, Mexico or back home. But the situation here is untenable.”

Besides the evacuation, Iraq requested that the United Nations set up a "no fly zone" over Washington D.C., which they offered to help enforce.

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