U.S. sees shadow, predicts 10 more years of GWOT

WASHINGTON — An unsettling fog descended in the early morning hours as onlookers camped out in anticipation for the ceremony: Would the U.S. emerge from its Pentagon and observe its shadow?The annual ceremony occurs early in the month of February, with the new year fresh in everyone’s hearts, and resolutions clear in everyone’s minds. The U.S. has, year after year, emerged from its den to announce its annual prediction of Forever Wars: the Global War on Terror.

This clockwork endeavor has repeated year after year after year after year after year after ... well, it's been awhile. An endless cycle, much akin to the movie Groundhog Day starring the fabulous Bill Murray. Man, he's so cool. What a great actor. Makes you sort of want to hang out with him some day.

Recent years have been especially riveting, with many leaders within the den of the U.S. announcing concerns over forever wars.

Nevertheless, the U.S. sees its Shadow UAV on an annual basis, often reciting the same words from The Wolf of Wallstreet, “I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING!”

As is tradition, today marked another year of continued conflict.

A nearby concession stand sold hot dogs for $1.05 to celebrate and honor Toby Keith, the Patron Saint of War for Profit. The hot dogs tasted like freedom. And mustard. Actually, the freedom was optional.

Keith always attends the annual event, in hopes that he can continue to milk music royalties from his 2002-era Forever Wars hits.