This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Latest dispatches
The story feed
Page 46 of 178
Army career manager ‘emotionally exhausted’ from screwing so many people
FORT KNOX, Ky. — Your career manager is “emotionally” exhausted from screwing so many people today, sources report. Capt. Melanie Benford, who manages the careers of aviation captains, reportedly screwed over
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Donald Trump Jr's Afghanistan bounty hunting trip draws criticism
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., is facing criticism following a recent bounty hunting trip to Afghanistan. Although Trump Jr.’s reputation as a big-game
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Toxic leadership seminar hosted by ninja turtles
NEW YORK CITY SEWERS — The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hosted a seminar on thriving in toxic environments for members of the armed forces this week. “Cowabungahooah, dudes!” Team leader Leonardo
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Furry from the sky: Meet the military’s elite airborne cat force
FORT BRAGG, N.C, — Move aside, Green Berets! Recently leaked classified documents reveal the military’s latest pet project: a top-secret new airborne force, composed entirely of cats — E.
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Russian cyberterrorist stuck on six month wait list to hack into VA
ST PETERSBURG, Russia – After initially hoping to quickly complete his mission to steal the personal data of thousands of American veterans, Russian Military Intelligence (GRU) cyberterrorist Sacha Volkhov has instead
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Congress deadlocked over bill to force armory to accept our goddamn rifles
WASHINGTON — Following a bitter all-night debate, Congress has officially deadlocked over two competing bills which would force the armory to finally accept our goddamn rifles. Senate Republicans have said
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Victory! U.S. Defeats CHOP, ending 75-year losing streak
WASHINGTON — The United States emerged victorious after a grueling three-week war with foreign superpower Capitol Hill Occupied Protest (CHOP). The victory is especially momentous as it came just weeks
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Fort Hood added to list of Fort Hood off-limits establishments
KILLEEN, Texas — Officials in Fort Hood, Texas announced this week they have added the 78-year-old post to the list of III Corps off-limits establishments. With the publication
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Opinion: Bring back ‘ramming speed’
NORFOLK, Va. — The Navy stands on the shoulders of great traditions, none greater than the ability to thrust its very essence into the hearts of the nation’s enemies, which
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Airshow canceled over concerns of being too boring
MAYPORT, Fl. — This year's Jacksonville Military Appreciation Air Show in Florida, billed as the state’s biggest military air display, has been canceled over concerns over being way
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Military child care reopening, if your kid can pass this extreme PT test
SAN DIEGO — As a few military child care centers are starting to reopen during the pandemic, a strenuous and challenging PT test for your kids has been implemented for them
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Pigeon: We should not tear down Confederate statues!
I am a pigeon. As a member of this otherized and belittled minority community, I have watched with particular concern while the current racial discord and societal conflict consumes us.
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New stealth bomber completely undetectable by budget oversight
THE PENTAGON – The Air Force’s next generation stealth bomber, the B-21 Raider, is reportedly not only invisible to radar but also completely undetectable by budget oversight, according to
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Fort Hood leaders planning Toby Keith concert, cancel command climate survey
FORT HOOD, Texas — Amid a heavy media spotlight on Texas Army base Fort Hood, senior leaders from the installation have decided to host country superstar Toby Keith for a concert
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Congress declares war on Spain after burning of USS Bonhomme Richard
SAN DIEGO, Calif. – The USS Bonhomme Richard (LHA-6), one of the Navy’s premier amphibious assault ships, suffered an explosion and fire this Sunday at Naval Base San Diego.
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Coast Guard commandant severely injured after getting 230 birthday punches from Joint Chiefs
WASHINGTON – The Coast Guard Investigative Service (CGIS) is investigating the death of Commandant of the Coast Guard Adm. Karl L. Schultz, whose body was discovered Sunday morning. Anonymous sources report
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Academy grad declares tasking ‘right in his wheelbox’
LANGLEY AFB, Va. — During a staff meeting, Air Force Captain Richard "Action" Jackson continued his habit of fucking up common military phrases. Jackson, a 2016 graduate of the
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Soldiers vote for WiFi Hotspot enabled rifles
ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Maryland — Soldiers nationwide have spoken: The number one piece of equipment the military needs to survive in combat is rifles that also serve as Wifi Hotspots. Despite
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Crappy carrier EMALS repurposed for burials at sea
WASHINGTON — Naval Sea Systems Command has certified the troubled Electromagnetic Aircraft Launch System (EMALS) to perform burials at sea. The USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN-78) Navy's newest
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Sergeants Major drink buds light
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — After a long day at work, base sergeants major drink Buds Light, a recent poll in the Camp Lejeune Globe reports. Aides de Camp also ranked
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Ask a 1950s-Era Army doctor
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — As part of our efforts to provide world class services for readers, Duffel Blog offers expert medical advice from Dr. David Bombay. This eminent physician retired from
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USS Bonhomme Richard Boasts Zero COVID-19 Cases
NAVAL BASE SAN DIEGO, Calif. — The US Navy proudly cited the eradication of coronavirus aboard the amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD-6) as a metric for the vessel’
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DOD unveils new MRE for pregnant service members
THE PENTAGON — During a Friday morning press briefing, the Department of Defense unveiled a new meal-ready-to-eat specifically designed to meet the nutritional needs and interests of pregnant
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82nd Airborne to fuel its own DUIs
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Last week the 82nd Airborne released its own brand of whiskey to reduce the outsourcing of paratrooper boozing. “It’s our latest effort in vertical integration,
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Army backs down from renaming fort slavery was cool
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Responding to pressure from the Trump Administration, the Army has agreed to shelve plans to rename Fort Slavery Was Cool, an Army post located just outside of Birmingham.
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