
Naval Academy adds 'See Spot Run' to reading list
Officials say advanced students may graduate to Green Eggs and Ham
“It’s funny and says what a lot of us can’t really say out loud but are totally thinking.”
— ISAAC
“The real news sounds like satire, and I appreciate that y’all are out there skewering it in sharp, funny ways.”
— EMMA
"[They] do God’s work and I’ve been enjoying it for at least a decade.”
— RUSS
Officials say advanced students may graduate to Green Eggs and Ham
Generals relieved it wasn’t a firing squad or Eyes Wide Shut reenactment
Generals brace for height/weight checks, essay contests, and trial by combat
Defense secretary insists meeting is secure because it’s on Google Calendar as “Private”
Agency says it will weaponize Benadryl next
Thousands of hats check in for four days of PowerPoint and disappearing acts
Pete Hegseth demands designs that are ‘super fucking lethal.’
USS Wasp leadership fears crew will collectivize chow line
DoD pledges undivided attention to all six commands at once using math, magic, and PowerPoint
Recruiting offices report record surge in male applicants aged 13 to 97
Secretary of War orders maximum lethality, receives minimum validation
Check rejected after department fails standard government name verification form
Department of Defense to rebrand as Also War Department
This marks the first time a cosplay militia has been federally activated by executive order
Pentagon insists new base name will really bring the country together this time
Under the agreement, the Taliban will offer “on-the-ground expertise” in displacing and shattering the lives of former allies.
Audit finds lack of dead hang directly correlated with collapse of two nations
If you soil yourself you’re guaranteed to be flagged for having something wrong with you.
Historic title to be replaced with something the SECDEF can say without giggling
Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors