SANTA MONICA — The ongoing war in Ukraine has been revealed to be an elaborate marketing campaign for Modern Warfare 2, the next game in the Call of Duty franchise.
"We are excited to bring Call of Duty fans across the globe the next groundbreaking iteration in the Modern Warfare mythos," said Activision Chief Marketing Officer Alie McElroy during a recent press conference.
"We have spent trillions of dollars manufacturing the war in Ukraine over the last 20 years, and while we are sorry for the death and destruction this war has caused, we hope players will understand once they dive into the game."
The game allows players to control Army veteran Corey David, who goes to Ukraine to help lead the fight against the Russians. David is revealed to have been a mere military policeman while in the Army, contributing little to the resistance. Eventually, the Ukrainian Army abandons David in the forest after he tries to show them "Super Badass" pictures from his time at Fort Knox. The game ends with David shitting his pants while crying in an abandoned school bus.
