The following is a guest column by Sergeant 1st Class William Avery, who volunteered to be a urinalysis NCO.
I'm going to be honest with you. I've been doing this a long time, and that's the nicest penis I've ever seen piss into a plastic cup.
Now, I'm not just saying that, trust me. I don't just throw these kind of compliments around. I'm what you call a straight shooter — a solid guy if you will.
I know this whole encounter began a bit haphazardly. You were in morning PT formation; I was lurking around the back. Our eyes met, and something happened. There was something there. You didn't know it yet, but I did. That's right: Urinalysis.