Buckle up, Buttercup
FORT SAM HOUSTON, Tx. — United States Army Medical Command (MEDCOM) has announced hemorrhoids will now be considered sensitive items. The decision means that soldiers seeking treatment for the condition will now be subject to increased scrutiny, regulation, retention rules, and somehow more bureaucracy.
The Army defines sensitive items as any item of particular value, military significance, or attractiveness requiring higher security measures and stricter accountability. Previously, sensitive items included weapons, ammunition, medical supplies, and paint for some reason.