MOGADISHU, Somalia – Expressing "genuine, head-scratching befuddlement," a spokesman for Harakat al-Shabaab al-Mujahadeen (Al-Shabaab) confirmed today that new recruit Ali Abu Kasam most identifies with sixteen year-old aquatic heiress Ariel, princess of Atlantica.
Kasam, who completed the ten-part BuzzFeed questionnaire ‘Which Disney Princess Are You?’ as part of his induction into Al-Shabaab, is now facing possible ejection from the notorious terror group as a result of his controversial similarities with the free-spirited, headstrong, teenage mermaid, in addition to calls clamoring for his permanent disfigurement and genital mutilation.
Reading Kasam’s quiz results aloud, twelve-year old Omar Zwihari stated, “‘You are a dreamer who is always thinking of the next big step in your life. Some may think you have set your sights too high, but your friends know you are capable of anything.’”
Described by peers as an inquisitive, bright-eyed and ambitious young man, the assessment appears to be congruent with Kasam’s optimistic and cheerful disposition, though ultimately at odds with traits espoused by the extremist splinter cell of the Islamic Courts Union, which generally seeks applicants most like Princess Jasmine of Agrabah.
