SEATTLE, Wash. — A startup consisting of retired members of the E4 Mafia has developed a new way to experience coffee: by exposing it to the alcoholic wastelands of veteran innards.
The Crab Nebula: SECTOR 15 “The days are getting longer. We have been in quarantine here for seven days. The rations are running low. We ran out of beer on
Chris Wallace: “Greetings ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the weekend safety brief. I’ll be your moderator, Chris Wallace. This afternoon’s safety brief will cover a variety of
YPSILANTI, Mich. — In a world becoming more interconnected every day, militia groups across the US are fighting to reclaim an industry they view as being increasingly dominated by foreigners — Domestic
WASHINGTON — Pandemonium struck the United States today as the capital was overwhelmed in a surprise flu d’état led by the so-called Coup Flu, COVID-19. The virulent virus, which has
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. – The Army University Press announced plans to publish a fan fiction snuff erotica novel titled, Fifty Shades of War about the famed Prussian general and military theorist
NEVADA TEST AND TRAINING RANGE, Nev. — After winning a competition at the military’s annual Red Flag exercise, an Air Force Small Diameter Bomb II was just too intelligent for
CINCINNATI, Ohio — During a campaign swing through Ohio this week, former vice president Joe Biden promised that if he is elected president, he will let “the troops decide” where the
FORT CARSON, Colo. – A 4th Infantry Division squad leader burned to death after his first sergeant told soldiers at morning formation that they should immolate good leaders if they wanted
MINOT, N.D. – After reviewing its Thrift Savings Plan statement and a growing pile of maintenance bills, a B-52 bomber broke down, realizing it would likely never be able to
MENLO PARK, Calif.—Following the viral popularity of FaceApp, the newly released MILFace uses the latest artificial intelligence (AI) and facial recognition software to show civilians what they would look
WASHINGTON — Senior Pentagon officials paused their usual circle-jerk sessions to protect themselves from the coronavirus, sources confirmed today. Officials reportedly agreed to the moratorium after three people in the Washington,
WASHINGTON — After two years of development and testing, the Department of Defense recently released its newest technological advancement in ground pyrotechnics—the brown star cluster—intended to notify others on
WASHINGTON – Everyone looks for the creepiest, spookiest, and most terrifying costumes for Halloween, but this soldier is taking it too far—by dressing up as Fort Hood! “Yikes! I got
QUANTICO, Va. — Celebrities everywhere are devastated by cancellations of this year's Marine Corps balls due to Covid-19, sources report. “Every year I hope some teenager with a shaky
YOUR NEW DUTY STATION—Sources are reporting that you didn’t make enough copies of your orders, and are about to be royally fucked and unable to continue in-processing. This
WASHINGTON — Gen. David Hokansan, Chief of the National Guard, admits the service botched a nationwide plan to suppress the popular vote, sources report. “Some state Adjutants General ordered their troops
WASHINGTON — Frantic grabbing, yelling, and hoarding are not behaviors limited to the playground. A senior Department of Defense official revealed that such methods also help determine the annual defense budget,
THE PENTAGON – The military provided details Friday about source new body armor designed specifically for women’s bodies. Called Athena Armor, the new equipment is exactly the same in size,
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Fort Bragg, the Army’s crown jewel and national STD hotspot, is about to get shittier. The installation took a step closer toward energy security with
DENVER – People have been caught impersonating our nation’s heroes for a number of reasons over the years: better seats on flights, a free drink at a bar, or even
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Navy SEAL Bret Curtis was the victim of intrateam harassment for years because he refused to write a book about his life as a Navy Sea, Air,
WASHINGTON — A RAND Corporation study has concluded that less sleep for military service members will equal more productivity. Despite the claims of scientist, doctors, and service members themselves that sleep
THE PENTAGON — Researchers from the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the secretive scientific organization tasked with developing cutting-edge technologies for national security agencies, unveiled a paradigm-shifting artificial intelligence that
WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps has begun issuing a new socially distanced bayonet that is six feet in length, Brigadier General Spanky Sicklecell announced yesterday. “Stabbing the enemy at close range
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