COLUMBUS, Ohio — A massive crowd gathered outside of the home of American demi-God John Glenn to celebrate his ascension back to Olympus early this morning.
Flowers, love letters, and various animal sacrifices littered the ground for acres around a shrine hastily assembled by his most devoted acolytes.
Glenn, who came to earth in human form on July 18, 1921, influenced every aspect of the political, social, and religious fabric of the country where he’d chosen to reside.
In order to learn more about the society he’d taken under his protection, Glenn decided to study engineering at Muskingum College, though he left the school before his senior year after earning his pilot’s license. Witnesses said he complained constantly about the human body’s primitive need to walk, and longed for the day when we could again “tear ass across the universe.”
