BEDFORD, Mass. — Commissary sources described a hectic scene Tuesday when retired Army Staff Sergeant Hampton K. Vitzke read the entire label of a can of Campbell’s Chunky Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables out loud at Hanscomb Air Force Base. A veteran of Vietnam — as verified by his hat, vest, bicep, and Buick — Vitzke’s soliloquy was witnessed by an audience of dozens in Aisle 3 during the lunchtime rush.
“Carrots,” he said, to approving nods from his wife of 47 years, Ethel. Vitkze’s cart was parked perpendicular to the aisle and at a right angle to Ethel’s cart, in what Store Manager Henrietta Bryant described as a “classic Tetris formation.” She noted that a similar scene had played out minutes earlier in Aisle 2 when Vitzke and his wife lamented the varieties of mayonnaise.
“Seasoned Beef with Potatoes,” Vitzke intoned, holding the soup at arm’s length like Yorick’s condensed skull in a can.
“But they already said ‘Potatoes,’” Ethel said, notably concerned. She took the can and verified the second potato reference, then read the next ingredient, Reconstituted Onions.
