FORT MEADE, Md. – In an unprecedented blend of quantum physics and shamtacular reality, a Specialist has become the subject of bafflement for both philosophers and warrant officers, alike. The enigma? Schrödinger's Specialist, a soldier who simultaneously exists and doesn't exist within the confines of the military space-time continuum.
The experiment was the result of years of study by the E4 Mafia, long thought to be fruitless until the day that Schrödinger's Specialist simultaneously vanished and manifested from reality while clearly both sleeping and playing Fortnite; both activities accomplished while he was supposed to be the duty runner on staff duty.
Leading theoretical physicist Dr. Albert Wazingburn remarked, “This Schrödinger's Specialist paradox defies all classical logic. Beyond the now infamous thought experiment with the cat, this Specialist is in a state of being both present and absent. He appears to be able to exist in both states, even when observed.”
Others in quantum physics have weighed in on the phenomenon, proposing complex theories involving entanglement and entrenchment. “It's as if the Specialist exists simultaneously in a superposition of duty stations and non-duty stations, a constant state of sham and non-sham,” explained Dr. Hank Greene, while scribbling half-formed equations on a whiteboard and running his hands through his hair.
