OTTUMWA, Iowa — Local veterans’ rights advocate Dustin Boates was “pretty peeved” this morning to find changes to preferential parking at the strip mall on US Route 34. Spaces previously reserved for current and former members of the armed forces had new signs redesignating them for health care professionals in appreciation of their efforts fighting COVID-19.

“This particular situation is going to behoove some pretty big changes,” Boates said. “Pronto. I saw someone pay for a cup of coffee for some guy the other day just because the guy was wearing hospital clothes. I just about threw up my cheese danish.”

“When I got back from Southeast Asia, people treated veterans like shit,” Boates continued. “Irregardless, when they started to make up for it after 9/11, I was like ‘About fucking time.’ So obviously, I always choose the designated space, because I have so much lost time to make up for, and I make sure to wear my cover, too” he said, gesturing at the hat on his head with the word “veteran” in 4-inch tall letters.

Boates served in the Navy “for most of 1990,” and supported a "humanitarian effort" in Thailand that lasted several weeks. He was “medically retired” for “resistant gonorrhea” shortly after the ship returned to San Diego.