THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting haircuts whenever I want!” The outburst
SAN DIEGO — A representative of Princess Cruises has met with the U.S. Navy Pacific fleet to share what the cruise ship operator has learned about Coronavirus in the past
PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has announced an agreement with the LEGO Group, which will begin manufacturing the next generation of landmines for use on the Korean peninsula. "This
WASHINGTON — In an effort to protect service members from the COVID-19 pandemic, Pentagon officials have directed senior Army leaders to limit their sexual harassment of junior soldiers to texts and
KLEBER KASERNE, Kaiserslautern, Germany—Furloughed GS employee Molvin Pootnose has been dealing with the worldwide COVID-19 isolation restrictions better than most. He’s taken up origami, embarked on a documentary-viewing
DAVIDSONVILLE, Md. — To support his friend who is a nurse working during the COVID-19 pandemic, local veteran Drew McGann has been sending her care packages filled with chewing tobacco and
FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — In the face of the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, with confirmed cases on every military installation, Army leaders have taken decisive action aimed at preserving individual soldier
FORT BRAGG, N.C. – The Sgt. Maj. of 2-354th “Spartan” Battalion announced today during an ill-advised formation that wearing face masks in uniform did not represent the traditions and heritage
THE PACIFIC — Ousted Navy Secretary Thomas Modly said Wednesday that he would continue to investigate the theft of one quart of frozen strawberries aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt, sources confirmed
NEW YORK CITY—The National Stolen Valor Association voted unanimously that in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, they would extend membership to individuals imitating doctors, nurses, EMTs and other healthcare
WASHINGTON — To limit the spread of COVID-19, the Navy has announced the temporary loosening of its notoriously strict grooming standards. “We’re still going to make everyone go to work
PENTAGON – Pentagon officials have expressed concern in recent days that the former commander of the USS Theodore Roosevelt may have infected other commanders with a desire to place the well-being
BEIJING – President Xi Jinping announced today that China is opening free web services to aid U.S. service members working at home due to novel Coronavirus restrictions. Xi said, “China
THE PENTAGON – An unnamed Marine died yesterday after a prolonged battle with unchecked hair growth, Pentagon officials announced today. The deceased had also been identified as being positively infected with
General David H. Berger, Commandant of the Marine Corps We stands at an inflection point in history. We need innovative thinking to deter 21st Century threats, namely ChinaChina is embarking
NAS FALLON, Nev. — Navy fighter pilot, Lt. Lance “Ox” Mandrake, graduated first in his classes at the Naval Academy, Flight School, and TOPGUN. But his records indicate that, despite his
OTTUMWA, Iowa — Local veterans’ rights advocate Dustin Boates was “pretty peeved” this morning to find changes to preferential parking at the strip mall on US Route 34. Spaces previously reserved
ATLANTA, Ga – The U.S. Centers for Disease Control announced today that Army medical researchers have uncovered an intriguing characteristic of COVID-19: not only is the virus “airborne,” it’s
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — Wooooooweeee! The barracks is starting to look like that bitch Carole Baskin’s house. We got five live tigers up in this place, ya’all. And it’
Editor’s note: The following article originally appeared in the September 1918 Duffel Blog. The author die weeks later of the 1918 influenza pandemic. ALBANY, N.Y. — Army Sergeant James
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Mark Esper confirmed that the Pentagon stands to lose billions of man-hours in pointless bullshit as military facilities worldwide continue telework and lockdown due to COVID-19,
THE PENTAGON — Gen. Paul E. Funk II has heard the cries of a starving nation. What world could be content with only 40 Funk Fundamentals? Not this one. The new
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – A new transition assistance initiative unveiled this week will help retiring colonels decide which Civil War battle they should study to ease the sting of being passed
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Since his arrival to the unit, 2nd Lt. Joseph Lynn hasn't let a single day pass without an unsolicited announcement that his top branch assignment
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