WASHINGTON—Every year, millions of Americans gather on the last Monday in May to drink, barbecue, socialize, and remember the fallen. But we all have that one friend who we
WASHINGTON—Remembering the fallen on Memorial Day is a time-honored tradition of ceremonies, barbecues, and a day off for most American workers and schoolchildren. But many are feeling that the
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A heroic private first class from the Second Marine Division was awarded the Silver Star this week after spending his entire enlistment at dental, sources say.
EL CAJON, Calif.—Speaking to reporters at his home office in California’s 50th District, Duncan Hunter seemed perplexed as to why Americans have gotten so upset about relatively minor
Everyone knows that the lieutenant gets really motivated and delirious every time he "leads" morning PT. But can you tell the difference between 1980s heavy metal lyrics and
NORFOLK, Va.—The Navy says the size of its fleet is just fine, thank you, and to stop counting its ships and start thinking about the service’s skill in
OTTUMWA, Iowa— Yesterday, America observed the 75th anniversary of D-Day. Some spent the day with local World War II veterans. Others visited military cemeteries to honor those who made the
OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla.—The wife of Army Chaplain Mike Phillips, Amy, has just been spotted entering a dildo store 350 miles from her home, sources confirm. According to anecdotal reports,
President Trump has called for upgrades to our existing nuclear warheads as well as production of new nuclear weapons. This is a mistake. America should not produce any new nuclear
BOSTON—A sticky note saying “BROKEN” likely remain on an unplugged piece of equipment until the end of time, the Coast Guard Cutter Escanaba (WMEC-907) confirmed Wednesday. Reports indicate the
WASHINGTON—The Army will celebrate its birthday today with the rite of passage every service endures once it reaches a certain age, the dreaded prostate exam, sources say. Over the
WILMETTE, Ill – On Saturday evening, Private First Class Mark Vance told a collection of fellow New Trier High School graduates “Every Marine is a rifleman first.” Vance, whose primary Military
WASHINGTON—Moments after counseling a junior sailor about an ill-informed car purchase, newly promoted Rear Adm. (lower half) Richard Limping purchased a $500 million warship with a 32 percent interest
WASHINGTON — Marines across the active and reserve force have sent letters and homemade cards to former Defense Secretary Jim Mattis for Father’s Day, sources confirmed today. Officials confirmed they
THE PENTAGON — Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Richardson applauded the Navy's return to what he called "its storied tradition of false flag operations" in a
ARLINGTON, Va.—The builder for a revolutionary Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) contract announced Monday that it has successfully produced a new type of fully autonomous grass that yells
WASHINGTON — Officials at the Pentagon breathed a collective sigh of relief this week after receiving word that the tankers damaged Thursday in the Gulf of Oman were actually accidental collisions
TEHRAN—Iranian merchant and torrent movie DVD burner Farhad Khadem has ordered new inventory in the event of a mass migration of U.S. consumers who happen to be in
SAN DIEGO—Special Warfare Operator Chief Edward Gallagher, a quiet professional accused of murdering a prisoner of war and other innocents, humbly rode in his friend’s old white Ford
BAHRAIN, Bahraq—Sources close to the Pentagon say a U.S. unmanned aerial vehicle shot down by Iran on Thursday had penetrated deep into Iranian airspace. While the U.S.
PATUXENT RIVER NAVAL AIR STATION, Md.—The U.S. Navy RQ-4A surveillance drone shot down on Thursday was "just days away from retirement," according to several people with
THE PENTAGON—A shot down drone, a murderous Navy SEAL, and a near war with Iran all faded into the distance as Marine General Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint
FORT BRAGG, NC—In what is both breaking news and a depressingly familiar twist of fate, your upcoming weekend has been cancelled because Army, numerous sources report. Mass text messages
WASHINGTON—President Donald H. Trump announced today that the Independence Day holiday would move earlier so that it can be the “number one day” in July. “My whole life has
TOKYO—National Security Adviser John R. Bolton has spent the last week vacationing in Japan, according to sources close to the White House. He spent the last three days touring
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