Duffel Blog Staff

Corpsman ecstatic to discover skittles in wounded Marine’s first aid kit

IRAQ – A US Central Command spokesman has highlighted the quick thinking and selflessness of a US Navy sailor this week. Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Mick O’Connor narrowly averted tragedy

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Navy veteran fired after party boat detained in Canadian waters

PUTIN BAY, Ohio — A Navy veteran was abruptly relieved earlier this week, sources report, after his boat strayed into Canadian waters and his passengers and crew of one sailor were

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Navy to issue knee pads to sailors deploying to Persian Gulf

WASHINGTON — Navy Secretary Ray Mabus announced today that all Navy personnel deploying to the Persian Gulf will be issued knee pads, effective immediately. The new safety initiative follows in the

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DoD regrets using virtual reality headsets for SHARP training

WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense may is already regretting its deployment of Samsung Gear virtual reality (VR) headsets for its online sexual harassment/assault response prevention training course, sources say,

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Coast Guard 'always ready' for massive roboshark invasion

HOUSTON, Texas – Sharing the annual budget plan with the press is normally a pretty boring moment both for Coast Guard leadership and also the reporters who receive the document. But

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Good idea fairy revealed as O-3 in Pentagon basement

THE PENTAGON — The fabled “Good Idea Fairy,” once thought a joke or an urban legend, and often blamed for seemingly incompetent leadership by troops across the armed forces, has been

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Naval Academy graduate prefers to masturbate with his class ring

WASHINGTON — Navy Lt. Roger Johnson prefers to masturbate with his class ring, the 2011 graduate of the US Naval Academy recently admitted to friends. And Johnson is not alone. A

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Annoyed parents wish deadbeat son would get off the sofa and join ISIS already

MOSUL, Iraq — Grumbling indiscernibly and exchanging telling glares, local parents Hamza and Fatima Abadi expressed for the thousandth time their desire for the household’s resident couch potato to “go

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Joint base andrews on lockdown over reports of rockets, explosions in sky

JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Md. — Joint Base Andrews is back under security lockdown tonight, following numerous unconfirmed reports of rockets and explosions in the sky throughout the National Capital Region. No

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Here's an article full of classified info, because who even gives a shit anymore?

FBI Director James Comey said on Tuesday that Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” with classified information being sent over her private email server, but he said no charges should be

Oct 5, 2022 3 min read paid

Report: Grown men who defend country spend all day looking for Pokémon

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon lost more than 1,000 man-hours of work over the past week due to fully grown adults blowing off work to look for Pokémon, a news

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Afghanistan rolls eyes, checks watch, lights cigarette as US takes forever to pull out

KABUL, Afghanistan — Following President Barack Obama’s announcement on Wednesday that more troops than initially planned will stay in Afghanistan, the war torn country reportedly rolled its eyes, glanced at

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DARPA 'pretty sure' socially progressive missile looks like a giant clitoris

VANDENBERG AFB, Calif. – Enlightened admirers gathered at an Air Force testing facility today for the unveiling of a state-of-the-art, intercontinental ballistic missile that celebrates the modern military’

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Private who crashed fuel truck not even playing Pokémon GO this time

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Army Pvt. Raymond Kessler, responsible for the twenty-third crash of a military vehicle since the release of Pokémon GO last week, was somehow not even

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Same stock photo of attractive female officer used for another article about military women

THE INTERNET — The same stock photo of a female officer was used for another article about women in the military, internet sources report. The sources also allege that the woman

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

China builds artificial island in middle of Pearl Harbor

HONOLULU — China has claimed a key new territory in its efforts to expand its reach in the Pacific region this week, building an artificial island inside Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. The

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Nine dead at Pokemon gym located in Sergeant Major’s parking spot

CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — Nine Marines are dead after an incident at a Pokemon GO! gym located in Sgt. Maj. Brad Kasal’s parking spot at 1st Marine Expeditionary Force headquarters

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Turkish soldiers pissed they have to work this weekend

ISTANBUL – Turkish soldiers and airmen are furious after being called in this weekend to overthrow their elected government, sources report. “President Erdogan has been an asshole for years,” Capt. Mehmet

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

ISIS claims responsibility for nice attack, can't remember attacker's goddamn name

FALLUJAH — The official media wing of ISIS has taken credit for last week's brutal attack in Nice, France. According to a statement from the Amaq Agency, the self-

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Man uses ‘vet card’ to win every argument ever

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Professional veteran Rob Owens is “damn nigh untouchable” in a social media debate, Facebook sources say, though they remind you under no circumstance to forget to graciously thank

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Spartan race canceled over 'cultural appropriation' concerns

FORT STEWART, Ga. — The Pentagon has ordered Maj. Gen. James E. Rainey, commander of the 3rd Infantry Division, to cancel next month's planned “Spartan Race” after Hellenic activists

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

CENTCOM Commander can’t believe it’s not his problem for once

TAMPA — Army Gen. Joseph Votel, head of Central Command (CENTCOM), was reportedly “stunned” and “more than a little relieved” when the attempted coup in Turkey on Friday happened outside of

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Military community must condemn radicalized veterans, say Trump, congressional Republicans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following two incidents this month where veterans of the armed services murdered police officers, Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump and GOP congressional leaders are putting heavy

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Coast Guard using seized marijuana at morale events

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. – New regulations allowing Coast Guard vessels and commands to retain and use seized property mean the nearly $20 million in marijuana seized at sea on Friday morning

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Drone sent to equal opportunity for targeting darker-skinned militants

SOUTHWEST ASIA — An MQ-9 Reaper deployed in support of Operation Inherent Resolve has been referred to the Equal Opportunity office for mostly targeting darker-skinned ISIS militants. Since arriving

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Latest Articles

Find the story you swear someone already wrote.

Your Cart

Before you go…

We're sorry to see you go.