CAMP LEMMONIER, Djibouti — China's first deployment of troops to the African nation of Djibouti, which also hosts a major US expeditionary base, has set the stage for a prank war likely to produce an increasingly wacky exchange of hijinks between the opposing forces as well as possible cataclysmic global conflict, sources confirmed today.
The first rotation of Chinese units to the East African nation departed Zhanjiang last week, prompting the Pentagon to begin a careful assessment regarding the degree of collegiate tomfoolery either side is willing to endure before initiating an armed response that could re-align the global balance of power while killing millions.
Scenarios presented to Defense Secretary James Mattis reportedly include an assessment of the second and third-order effects of either base's water supply being contaminated with laxative, and to what degree a Chinese attempt to FedEx large packages of glitter to Camp Lemmonier might risk a military confrontation that would shatter the global economy and irradiate the Taiwan Strait for decades.
