BERKELEY, Calif. — Military recruiting offices have been overwhelmed with millennials seeking to join the Pentagon's upcoming “Safe Space” Force, sources confirmed today.
The proposed force came at the suggestion of President Donald Trump while speaking to a group of young Marines stationed in Miramar, California. The speech was later shared on social media by a number of millennials currently lacking the requisite fitness to join the current military, but who were enthusiastic about reduced physical standards of the Safe Space Force.
“Since there is no gravity in space — and therefore no weight — they can’t discriminate against fit-but-fat people like me,” said Suzanne Paunchy, a gender-studies major that stands 5’4” and is now down to 195 pounds after her recent juice cleanse.
