Commandant to resume duties after ground-fighting Satan, inspecting Heaven's Marines
Concerns over possibility of another aviator Commandant forced early return
The Commandant of the Marine Corps prepares to shoulder-throw Satan
MARINE BARRACKS, 8th and I Streets, Washington DC – America breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that General Eric Smith, 39th Commandant of the Marine Corps, would be resuming duties as the head of his service.
“I am deeply grateful to the medical professionals who saved my life and accelerated my recovery, as well as to the outpouring of support my family received following my little heart hiccup,” said Smith during a brief public appearance. “But as a Marine, I know that the mission comes first, so I’m back and ready to join my Marines in defending this great nation against enemies foreign, domestic, or with choad nicknames like, say…Coach.”
General Smith confessed that the break had its benefits. “To be honest, spending days in a near-death state, while my spirit strayed out of thought and time, was really relaxing compared to the unique opportunity granted me by some in Congress to work multiple 4-st…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.