FORT BRAGG, N.C. — After months of complaints from spouses regarding employment opportunities and low morale at the Garrison town hall meetings, senior leaders from across the installation have decided the most "All American" thing they can do is to open the Army's first on-base strip club.

The leader of the Family Readiness Group, Alexis McCarter was the main driver. “Our applications keep getting denied by USA Jobs and we’re tired of being called ‘dependas,’ so we need more opportunities for young spouses to prove our value to this community” McCarter said. “Military spouses have an unemployment rate that is six times that of the civilian population."

“Hopefully this will kill two birds with one stone” said Sgt. Maj. Ethan Meadows. “This is our chance to not only provide more employment opportunities, but we can also lower the number of new privates that are getting married to the exotic dancers off base without being counseled by their leadership first.”