By W.E. Linde

PENTAGON — President Joe Biden’s nomination of Adm. Linda L. Fagan to lead the U.S. Coast Guard heralded the likelihood of the military’s first female service chief and initiated a flurry of grumbling and “cleaning up” of the all-male offices of the Joint Chiefs, sources confirmed today.

“Does Miss November have to go?” asked Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. David H. Berger, as he peeled down years of photos of Playboy Playmates from a private JCS conference room. “She’s my favorite.”

“All of it has to come down, dammit,” replied Gen. Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “No exceptions.”

Nathan S. Lowrey of the Joint History and Research Office observed that, while the military, in general, has long struggled to deal with identifying and addressing microaggressions and toxic work environments, the realization that the most senior levels of the Pentagon now had to also account for a gender diverse workplace was “like watching the Titanic hit that iceberg.”