This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Latest dispatches
The story feed
Page 9 of 177
Neuralink placed in Marine crashes Pornhub
"I saw it all. All of Pornhub at once. I was, like, the god of porn for a minute.”
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Army study: Soldiers have bigger dicks than sailors
The USS Ronald Reagan held the record for simultaneous penis inspections, with 473 sailors participating.
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California bans veteran burials due to unacceptable levels of PFAS
“While the military will assuredly go on destroying the world in life, the Golden State will not allow them to do so in death,” said Gov. Newsom.
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Zyn-Monster-condom pack sells out in minutes at PX
“I was first in line,” said Pfc. Travis Thompson, who camped overnight for the release.
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Combat vet joins war on drugs
He's taking a firm stance not against, but in support of drug use.
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The Atlantic: Please remove us from this distro
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
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Dyslexic officer cuts IED training from EOD course
“Oops, I got my wires crossed again."
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Hegseth budget plan just stick figure with huge tits
Budgetary offices across the service branches are scrambling after receiving the ambiguous guidance.
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This gorilla learned sign language, and immediately told everyone it went to West Point
"The very first thing he signed was, ‘Dookie, Sir, West Point, Sir!’”
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USS Clinton Skipper Claims He Did Not have international relations in South China sea
“You should’ve seen what those beaches were wearing," the captain said.
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Hegseth thinking that DEI Coordinator job at National Guard bureau looks pretty sweet right now
The embattled Pentagon chief, long viewed as a DUI hire, is looking for the exits.
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Applebee's to offer free meals only to WWI veterans
“Honoring the troops is core to our brand,” said Lauren Trent, Applebee’s Chief Marketing Officer.
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Duffel Blog presents: The 10 dumbest military phrases
"There’s no ‘I’ in team" but there are three 'U's in "shut the f--k up"
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Navy kicks off 'Incel to Intel' recruiting campaign
The service's novel approach is to recruit technologically adept virgins into the intelligence community.
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Hegseth congratulates historic last ever female to complete best Ranger competition
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
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Leaked: Hegseth’s plan to 'de-gay' the military
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
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Trade wars service medal delayed by China tariffs
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
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Pope dies rather than spend 15 more minutes with a POG
Anonymous clergy sources confirmed that Francis had reviewed Vance’s background and uttered the words “Not today, Satan."
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Navy to outfit subs with torpedo bats
A 34-inch, 32-ounce piece of American maple hurtling through international waters with big league dreams.
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Soldier who doesn't care about politics ready to deter Russian-backed Chinese Iranians
“I just want to do my job, follow orders, and not think about all that foreign policy blah blah blah.”
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Pentagon removes 54th Massachusetts from Army records as 'DEI hires'
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
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Man who sat out war declares war on those who didn't
"People say, ‘Oh, they risked their lives, they served their country.’ But did they ever have to convince a medical doctor to write a note? I don’t think so."
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Pentagon releases list of approved racial and sexual epithets
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
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DoD establishes strategic porn reserve after Canada threatens to disable PornHub
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
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Pentagon renames Fort Campbell after the soup
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
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