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"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
Anonymous clergy sources confirmed that Francis had reviewed Vance’s background and uttered the words “Not today, Satan."
A 34-inch, 32-ounce piece of American maple hurtling through international waters with big league dreams.
“I just want to do my job, follow orders, and not think about all that foreign policy blah blah blah.”
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
"People say, ‘Oh, they risked their lives, they served their country.’ But did they ever have to convince a medical doctor to write a note? I don’t think so."
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
Strike plans—whatever you want to call them—it's classified okay?
“I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” said Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard.
All we asked for was 80% compliance.
“It reminds me of this one time when I was in this chick’s OODA Loop and accidentally gave her Plan Bravo instead of Plan B the next morning."
“He won’t stop,” said Sgt. Jake Mendoza, rolling his eyes.
Looking for a fresh start in a foreign land? We've got you covered.
"It's super awkward to put on my LinkedIn profile," said Gen. Randall Reed, the commander.
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
The markings will distinguish U.S. forces from “freedom-hating and war-mongering Ukrainians,” according to Hegseth.
“If you’re excited about these changes, just wait til you see what I do to your balls.”
“So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces."
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