ARLINGTON, Texas — A university professor was proud to learn that his classroom was being graced with not only the presence of a U.S. Army veteran of Afghanistan, but also, as it turns out, an expert on 18th century irregular warfare, sources confirmed today.
Thanks to his extensive experience during a single six-month deployment to Afghanistan, 22-year-old former Private First Class Brian Wintergreen is shedding all kinds of new light on a wide array of topics in an American History class at the University of Texas-Arlington, an institution of higher learning that Duffel Blog's resident West Pointer confirmed is ‘just one step higher than community college.’
The budding amateur historian went to great lengths to assure his classmates he does not draw his opinions about past events from such trite sources as assigned reading, but instead from his own personal experiences or anecdotes that he read on Facebook.
“This is total bullshit man,” Wintergreen related angrily as he wielded the consigned textbook that his teacher had instructed him to read. “Look at this dumbass,” the student-veteran jabbed at the author’s name, the late Dr. John Richard Alden, “He can’t write about shit he hasn’t seen. I’ve been to war, I know! I got a CIB! He can’t say that the American militia in the Revolution was ineffective at fighting those British bitches. They could hide behind trees and snipe at them just like the Indians! Sniping wins wars!”
