Syrian President Bashar al-Assad
WASHINGTON D.C. – Department of Defense and White House officials praised the actions of the Syrian government for their mass slaughter of defenseless civilians through non-chemical means this weekend.
“When we heard that there was another incident in a small suburb outside Damascus,” said Pentagon spokesman Maj. Daniel Michaels in a press conference, “There was great consternation that it may have been another use of chemical weapons of mass destruction by the desperate Assad loyalists.”
