THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense’s headquarters was swept by chaos and confusion this morning after Gen. Mark Milley, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, conducted a no-notice health-and-wellness check of the on-post barracks, sources confirmed today.
“Oh shit! Move out of the way, guys!” yelled a half-dressed, pot-bellied lieutenant commander as he ran past, carrying a NERF gun and a blow-up doll. “Big-wigs are here, and they don’t look too happy!”
