FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo. – Army Sgt. Pennyworth Montgomery's notably complex steampunk top hat sprung a class III leak in the middle of morning formation, sources confirmed today.
"I noticed it immediately," said Spc. Christie Jones. "One moment the steam whistle puffed away gentle bursts of vapor to release pressure. In the next, there was clear drop formation — each of which fell from their own weight."
Having escaped Montgomery's notice, the leak worsened due to the internal pressure generated by the boiler apparatus held within the hat's large stovepipe structure. This caused a torrent of scalding water to spray over the faces of two privates standing adjacent to Montgomery.
