Welcome to ASK SERGEANT CASANOVA, a regular love, dating a sex advice column for active duty service members, retirees, and dependas looking for a smash before their husband comes back from TDY next week. Slide into my DMs, ladies, and I’ll slide up in them guts. You can reach me via editor@duffelblog.com.
A lot of you been asking, “What does the weird buzzword language you see in dating profiles mean?” Sgt Casanova is here to decode them for you!
“Petite.” She’s a dwarf.
“Statuesque.” She’s incredibly tall.
“Spiritual.” He started a cult based on crystals, and if you say you have a crick in your neck, will say it’s because the moon is in a certain house of the square. MIGHT be super good at sex if crazy enough, but maybe not. Some crazy people are just crazy.
“Loves animals.” Had a dog once.
“Really loves animals.” Let the dog lick peanut butter off their junk.
“Into fitness.” Whoo boy, this could mean anything from “I’m obese but subscribe to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newsletter” to “I track…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.