SAN DIEGO — The commanding officer of Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, Brig. Gen. Ryan Heritage, announced today that the Marine Corps is adding a new fifth phase to recruit training.

The goal of fifth phase is to re-instill discipline after fourth phase, which was rolled out last year. Headquarters Marine Corps implemented fourth phase to ease recruits’ transition to the fleet. It instead turned them into nasties with excessive weakness in their disgusting bodies, according to all drill instructors at the depot. To remedy this problem, recruits will experience a second “Black Friday” and redo the first month of boot camp.

“We were getting Marines from the depot who could barely execute inspection arms. I even had a private touch his disgusting face the other day,” said Gunnery Sgt. Aaron Jones, a combat instructor at the School of Infantry-West. “We need to get back to the fundamentals of what makes the Marine Corps great: hyper-aggressive 18-year-olds incapable of thinking for th…