John McCain angered over loss of Hanoi Hilton Honors Points

CLEVELAND — Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) recently put Hilton Hotels in his crosshairs after learning his Hilton Honors points from his nearly six-year stay at the Hanoi Hilton in North Vietnam from 1967 to 1973 had expired.

According to sources, McCain learned the news while trying to book a room for himself in Cleveland, where he was scheduled to be recognized at game three of the NBA Finals, after the National Guard’s contract for promoted patriotism expired last month.

A front desk employee explained that he would not be able to upgrade to the penthouse suite because his Honors points had recently expired.

“Nowhere on the piece of toilet paper that I was given by the hotel was there anything discussing a 50-year expiration of points,” yelled McCain as he paced in frustration and attempted to throw his hands in the air.

“During my long-term stay at the Hanoi Hilton I learned the ropes of the Honors program and know I had plenty of points after booking a four or more year getaway. I always refused to spend my points on extra rice and fingernail vouchers that they tried to get me to use.”

A McCain spokesperson told reporters the senator was "strongly considering a 3-star Yelp review" if the situation was not resolved. Fellow Republican Sen. Lindsay Graham added that he would hold "serious discussions" with McCain about sending a sternly-worded e-mail to Hilton executives.

“I left my Honors card on the plane I flew in on, but I gave them my name and member number multiple times so I don’t believe their excuses and am sure Russia and Trump are behind these policy changes,” Graham said.

“Those that know me know I am against anything with term limits, and that includes my frequent rewards points.”