FORT BRAGG, N.C. —Spc. Harris P. Niss, a generator mechanic with the 82nd Airborne Division, realized his best artistic work was behind him and dropped his sharpie marker mid-nutsuck while sketching out his 69th dick on a latrine wall at an exercise at range 39 today.

"Am I a hack?” Niss moaned to himself between the beats of combat jacking in the next stall over. “I haven't produced anything new in three FTXes. When I compare myself to the greats, I wonder why I’m even pursuing my dream. Sgt. Peterman in 1st Platoon had drawn over 200 dicks by the time he made E-4. These days it takes me half a deployment just to finish a nutsack. When I die, no one will care about the hairy balls or thick ropes of thick jizz I've left behind, because what I do lacks a point of view. Maybe I should give up and go to law school."

Niss continued his soul searching while admiring an evocative butthole on the empty hand sanitizer dispenser that clearly showed a keen eye towards the gestural, but without losing a jaunty sense of humor.

"What if I peaked at JRTC? That was a gloriously veiny schlong with a slight curve; the realistic ball drop asymmetry. God, that scrotum shading made me feel something. Now that my creative juices have dried up, I don’t even know why I’m carrying this white-out to the range.”