PENTAGON — Much like the search for the golden ticket in Willy Wonka, the country has erupted into a sweet Fortnite gaming sesh that doubles as real world operation to select the leader of all U.S. forces, sources confirmed today.

Billed as a battle royale video game, Fortnite has players vie to prove themselves worthy of being stolen by the government and raised as the next general to represent the U.S. in the current and future conflicts.

“This was never supposed to get out, but we’re pretty desperate here in the back rooms,” revealed Col. Graff, a Space Force official. “So we decided to just copy the book 'Ender’s Game.' 'Or The Last Starfighter.' Whatever. We’re going to try anything.”