A fucking cubicle? Come on, man!

E-RING, The Pentagon – Acting Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Eric Smith is reportedly furious at being denied use of the furniture occupied by his previous boss, now-retired Gen. David Berger.

Speaking to gathered reporters, Smith said, “Bad enough I’m still the Assistant Commandant on the frickin’ website, but shitty web stuff is par for the USMC course. Plus, Lance Cpl. Santiago is still on leave so no one knows how to fix that nerd shit anyway. But did you see Berger’s frickin’ office suite compared to the garbage I had as ACMC? I mean, I had the frickin’ Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force laid out on a bean bag the other day. Are we doing bong rips in college over here now?”

“Executive furniture, real wood, drawers that don’t stick, and no spit stains on the desk. And never mind the accent lighting on the bookshelves! I love accent lighting!”, said the man nominated to lead the Marine Corps. “It soothes me like lotion in my silkies after a PFT.”