Netflix Announces All-Female Remake of US Navy
Suddenly "long, hard, and full of seamen" jokes less relevant
Calm your tits, VetBros.
In a groundbreaking move sure to leave both viewers and seamen either clamoring for more or protesting in the streets, Netflix has just dropped the bombshell announcement of an all-female remake of the US Navy. The decision follows the recent trend of gender-swapped reboots, culminating in the astonishing casting of Admiral Lisa Franchetti in the role of the first female Chief of Naval Operations.
The reboot, part of the 249th season of the US Navy, will pick up where the original story left off. No explanation will be given as to why the casting changed so much; showrunners have reportedly decided to allow the audience to suspend disbelief.
Noted television critic Tucker Carlson, a man known for doubling down on masculinity by wearing bow ties and encouraging men to tan their testicles to make them look better, lamented the narrative direction, “So we've got new hairstyles and maternity flight suits — pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It's a mockery of…
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