North Korea Requests Starvation Best Practices from Fort Cavazos
Rumors rampant of starvation and cannibalism amongst the rank and file
We will be welcomed as liberators.
STOCKHOLM – In a rare gesture of cooperation, North Korea is requesting an “open exchange” of information with the U.S., focusing on methods that officials at Fort Cavazos are using to prevent soldiers from eating.
The unusual North Korean request comes after shortages of eating options on Fort Cavazos forced junior soldiers to drive long distances or scavenge for food like in Mad Max: Fury Road.
Bjorn Tüuron of the Swedish diplomatic team communicating with North Korea said that Kim Jong Un has an intense interest in the techniques Fort Cavazos is using to deny soldiers one of the most basic human needs. “That’s a favorite page in Kim’s playbook,” said Tüuron. “Kim is very competitive and sees Cavazos as an upstart out to compete with North Korea as the world’s leading starvation destination. No way will he let them hog the hunger spotlight.”
Tüuron added that the situation at Fort Cavazos amazes North Korean leaders. “The North Korean government knows how to starve a population when they don’t actually have food. But their observers are amazed that the US military could, over the past 20-plus years of conflict, drop a dining facility, Green Beans coffee, KFC, and Taco Bell on FOBs in the middle of nowhere as soon as the HESCO barriers went up but have problems feeding soldiers at one of the Army’s largest, most established bases. In Texas, no less! America’s leading beef producer! That’s an evil genius that they really admire.”
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