WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense announced today that Fort Campbell has been renamed “Campbell’s® Fort” after striking a lucrative branding deal with the Campbell’s Soup Company.
“Nothing screams military tradition like a can of lukewarm tomato sludge,” said Maj. Gen. Brett Sylvia, the base commander. “Now, I know morale is low. I know the barracks are still held together with mold and duct tape. I know you will probably be sent on a nine-month deployment that mysteriously turns into 15. But just remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
The installation’s welcome sign has been repainted to feature the familiar Campbell’s logo. Troops will soon be issued official post patches shaped like soup cans, and local dining facilities will begin serving MRE-style condensed soup rations in honor of the name change.