PENTAGON – "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the controversial policy that formally prohibited military members from openly discussing their sexual orientation, will now block any talk of the keto diet, acting Defense Secretary Patrick M. Shanahan announced today.

"While it is every service member's right to follow whatever diet their heart leads them to, it is for the good order and discipline of U.S. forces that I am directing all service members on the keto diet to keep it in the closet," Shanahan told reporters.