Pentagon swear jar funds entire border wall after one week
WASHINGTON – Pentagon leaders started a swear jar to defray potential losses after President Donald Trump declared a national emergency to fund parts of a wall on the U.S. border with Mexico and donations have far exceeded projections, sources confirmed today.
What began as a way to prevent cutting military construction projects quickly turned into a revenue stream for the Pentagon.
“We figured we would raise enough money to keep the lights on in the building or, at best, buy another fifth-generation fighter,” said acting Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan. “We had no idea we could fund the entire border wall, rid military housing of black mold, and pay for the two new carriers we approved last month.”
Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley was the first to contribute to the jar. Milley was heard mumbling a stream of obscenities under his breath when he sharted after bending over to pick up a tootsie roll that fell out of his pocket. Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Richardson was qu…
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