DOHA, Qatar — Chief U.S. negotiator Zalmay Khalilzad repeated assurances today he received from the Taliban that they are "totally going to lay down their weapons and become peace loving, democratic civilians as soon as American forces leave."

American representatives have been engaged in talks with Taliban leaders in hope of a diplomatic resolution to the 17-year conflict that has rocked Afghanistan.

“I asked them point blank if they were willing to lay down their arms the moment U.S. troops left the country,” Khalilzad said. ”And they all looked at each other for a second and then began nodding.”

“I don’t understand why anyone thinks we’d do otherwise,” a Taliban delegate said. “Our whole mission this entire time has been to rid our great country of foreign soldiers. All those attacks on civilians and Afghan soldiers was to throw you off the scent, and all that militant Islam is just motivation for boots.”