HANOI, Vietnam —President Donald Trump had a great time on his trip to Vietnam, and is confused as to why former Sen. John McCain had always made the country seem like some type of hell, sources confirmed today.
Trump made the trip to Hanoi for a summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un where the two met for talks about denuclearizing the Korean peninsula. Trump seemed especially impressed with the Vietnam countryside and discreet opportunities with the local female populace, according to sources.
“John was always going on and on about ‘Vietnam this’ and ‘torture that.’ I think it’s pretty nice here, actually,” Trump told reporters at a press conference.
“I believe I stayed at the same Hilton he did, but everyone there was very nice to me. Very nice people in Vietnam. The best people, really. John must not have had good interpersonal skills,” said Trump in reference to the now-deceased McCain who spent five years as a prisoner after his plane was shot down during the Vietnam War.
As is traditional in Vietnamese culture, Trump was feted on his last night in country with a feast of pho, chicken curry, fried fish, and sweet mung bean pudding. The president, whose BMI is currently in the obese range, was visibly delighted with the meal, and he walked away from the table with a newfound respect for McCain.
“John lost over 50 pounds while he was there,” Trump remarked to an aide. “With food this good, I can’t imagine the type of willpower that must’ve taken!”
Before returning to Washington, Trump took a guided driving tour of the farmland outside Hanoi.
"If I’d known how beautiful the Vietnamese countryside was, I never would’ve spent so much money dodging the draft," Trump said. "What a senseless waste. Sad!”