WASHINGTON—Moments after counseling a junior sailor about an ill-informed car purchase, newly promoted Rear Adm. (lower half) Richard Limping purchased a $500 million warship with a 32 percent interest
WASHINGTON — Marines across the active and reserve force have sent letters and homemade cards to former Defense Secretary Jim Mattis for Father’s Day, sources confirmed today. Officials confirmed they
THE PENTAGON — Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Richardson applauded the Navy's return to what he called "its storied tradition of false flag operations" in a
ARLINGTON, Va.—The builder for a revolutionary Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) contract announced Monday that it has successfully produced a new type of fully autonomous grass that yells
WASHINGTON — Officials at the Pentagon breathed a collective sigh of relief this week after receiving word that the tankers damaged Thursday in the Gulf of Oman were actually accidental collisions
TEHRAN—Iranian merchant and torrent movie DVD burner Farhad Khadem has ordered new inventory in the event of a mass migration of U.S. consumers who happen to be in
SAN DIEGO—Special Warfare Operator Chief Edward Gallagher, a quiet professional accused of murdering a prisoner of war and other innocents, humbly rode in his friend’s old white Ford
BAHRAIN, Bahraq—Sources close to the Pentagon say a U.S. unmanned aerial vehicle shot down by Iran on Thursday had penetrated deep into Iranian airspace. While the U.S.
PATUXENT RIVER NAVAL AIR STATION, Md.—The U.S. Navy RQ-4A surveillance drone shot down on Thursday was "just days away from retirement," according to several people with
THE PENTAGON—A shot down drone, a murderous Navy SEAL, and a near war with Iran all faded into the distance as Marine General Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint
FORT BRAGG, NC—In what is both breaking news and a depressingly familiar twist of fate, your upcoming weekend has been cancelled because Army, numerous sources report. Mass text messages
WASHINGTON—President Donald H. Trump announced today that the Independence Day holiday would move earlier so that it can be the “number one day” in July. “My whole life has
TOKYO—National Security Adviser John R. Bolton has spent the last week vacationing in Japan, according to sources close to the White House. He spent the last three days touring
WASHINGTON—Since 1775, the United States has had an Army, and for most of those 244 years it has been called the “United States Army.” But now the service will
FORT JACKSON, S.C.—Medics at the 34th Infantry Troop Medical Clinic may disagree about primary season, but they are united in one cause: their agenda for free Motrin for
COLUMBIA, Mo.—A report commissioned by Granny and Poppop has found that family members unanimously blame you for your younger cousin Theo’s decision to enlist in the Marine Corps.
In a major twist in the trial of a Navy SEAL accused of stabbing an ISIS prisoner to death, Chief Special Warfare Operator Eddie Gallagher has come forward with a
WASHINGTON—According to a study released this week by the Partnership for Marriage, lesbians are in tough competition with Lance Corporals for the nation’s shortest engagements. “We were surprised
When in the course of the division training schedule it becomes necessary to release the soldiery, sailory, and, er, Marinery on a 4-day weekend for this momentous July 4 holiday,
THE PENTAGON—Sources say the newest Sergeant Major of the Army plans to field a throwback uniform to inspire pride within the ranks and prepare the Army for the impending
FORT POLK, La.—Army Pvt.1st Class Sherman Williams shocked the local military community last night when he reportedly said he was nowhere near those awesome events, sources told Duffel
FORT BRAGG, N.C.—Pvt. Joe Jonathans recently returned from his nine-month deployment to Kuwait only to find his wife neck-deep in bed, covered in Jonathans’ Woobie. A soldier’s
LUKE AFB, Ariz.—Tech. Sgt. Ashley Ferris' bridesmaids are reeling after finding out what they would be wearing to her wedding this summer. In a sassy group message, Ferris
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