SEVASTOPOL, Russia — A Russian warship told by Ukrainian soldiers to go fuck itself has fucked itself, according to multiple reports.
The RTS Moskva, the flagship of the Russian Navy’s Black Sea Fleet, officially fucked itself on April 14, when it sunk in choppy seas. The crew of the Slava-class missile cruiser, in the early days of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, was infamously told by Ukrainian soldiers defending Snake Island to “go fuck yourselves.”
Russian officials and state-run media insist that the ship fucked itself with no outside assistance.
“The regrettable loss of the Moskva was completely, totally an act of self-copulation,” Russian Defense Ministry spokesman Maj. Gen. Igor Konashenkov said. “A fire got out of control and the ship fucked itself — there is no truth to the rumor that the Moskva was fucked by the Nazi regime in Kyiv.”
