The Pentagon

Point/counterpoint: Future wars will be fought with AI robots vs. 'Microsoft word is not responding'

The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about the use of artificial intelligence (AI), machine learning, and robots in future large scale ground combat. The point will be presented by

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon study finds beards directly related to combat effectiveness

TAMPA, Fla. — Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DoD seeks corporate sponsorship, Copenhagen, Budweiser already on board

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the Department of Defense budget gets slimmer each day, military and civilian personnel are getting creative with how to cover shortfalls. The Pentagon has already

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Citing OPSEC fears, DoD bans Tapout clothing for all military personnel

WASHINGTON — Citing concerns over operational security, the Department of Defense has implemented a policy prohibiting all military personnel from wearing Tapout clothing, including t-shirts, hats, and accessories, when out of

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon proposes controversial policy assigning ranks to military spouses

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A new policy is currently being considered by the Department of Defense that would assign rank to spouses of military members. The controversial measure announced yesterday is

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon Channel celebrates 100th viewer

FORT MEADE, MD - All three employees of the Pentagon Channel (TPC) attended a lunch yesterday to celebrate a major milestone in the network's history. This week'

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Typo leads to creation of $179 million gorilla warfare program

CRESCENT CITY, CA — The Department of Defense has confirmed accusations that a $179 million military training program for mountain gorillas was created based on a spelling error in an email

Oct 5, 2022 5 min read paid

Pentagon study confirms: Napalm does stick to kids

WASHINGTON, DC — An extremely controversial Pentagon study on the accuracy of various running and marching cadences has released its preliminary findings today, concluding that napalm does indeed stick to kids.

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon scraps 'Lightsaber' weapons program after gross misconduct, numerous injuries

BAGRAM, AFGHANISTAN — A top secret weapons development program has been scrapped after countless allegations of misconduct and numerous injuries were sustained by soldiers and Marines in Afghanistan, Duffel Blog has

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Crusty old fuck in the Pentagon hopes cold war just got hot

WASHINGTON – According to sources, that sputtering relic from Basement Level 2B in the Pentagon has been completely beside himself this week, ever since the crisis in Ukraine and the subsequent

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Troops say generals understand need for cuts to aides, personal drivers, and golf courses

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Troops from the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, and Air Force told Congress on Wednesday that general officers were willing to sacrifice portions of their caviar rations, personal

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Conflict zones Worldwide declare cease-fire after nude celebrity photos leak online

THE PENTAGON — Multiple sources confirmed there would be temporary cease-fires at conflict zones around the world in what is being dubbed a "humanitarian" move to allow soldiers and

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

JOINT CHIEFS: Why we don't care that you're resigning

The following is an opinion article written by the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. It has come to our attention that another company grade officer has very publicly

Oct 5, 2022 4 min read paid

Pentagon downplays significance of Taliban taking over all of Afghanistan last night

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the Taliban's complete takeover of Afghanistan late last night, Pentagon Press Secretary Peter Cook noted in an early morning press briefing that the Pentagon

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Colonel without combat patch decides it's finally safe to leave the Pentagon

THE PENTAGON — Col. Jerry Martin, an infantry officer who has never deployed overseas, has finally decided to rotate out of the Pentagon after 15 years there, according to sources. Friends

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DOD announces new SitBit activity tracker for staff officers

THE PENTAGON – The Department of Defense on Monday announced a $1.3 million contract to equip all staff officers at or above battalion level with wristwatch-sized SitBit inactivity trackers. “After

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DoD regrets using virtual reality headsets for SHARP training

WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense may is already regretting its deployment of Samsung Gear virtual reality (VR) headsets for its online sexual harassment/assault response prevention training course, sources say,

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Pentagon to build $6.8 billion center to combat fraud, waste, and abuse

PENTAGON – The Department of Defense has announced it would build a new $6.8 billion "Center of Excellence" in San Jose, California dedicated to combatting fraud, waste, and

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Trump to host “who wants to be a cabinet secretary?” to find next secretary of defense

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House is negotiating a reality television show with producer Mark Burnett to identify the next secretary of defense nominee with President Donald Trump set to

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon press corps establishes fund to locate missing government spokesmen

WASHINGTON — Members of the Pentagon Press Corps announced a $3 million GoFundMe campaign to raise money to find, locate, and recover missing senior Department of Defense officials by featuring their

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid