SAN DIEGO — Memorial Day is a solemn day of reflection for many Americans, perhaps none more so than retired Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher. But instead of drinking beer and barbecuing with friends, Gallagher will spend the day solemnly reflecting on those he “totally did not murder” on a live-streamed episode of a new “true war crimes” podcast, sources confirmed today.
“So many Americans miss the point of Memorial Day, they think it's just another three-day weekend and an excuse to party,” Gallagher told the host while sharpening his hunting knife. “I prefer to spend Memorial Day honoring the dead by perusing my ‘best of war crimes’ photo album and watching old drone footage of dead bodies.”
Gallagher, who was accused of murdering an ISIS fighter during a 2017 Iraq deployment by multiple members of his SEAL Team, was acquitted by a military tribunal after fellow SEAL Corey Scott confessed to the murder on the stand in a courtroom surprise rivaling every Perry Mason episode ever.
“Ah, look at this one!” Gallagher cooed on the podcast, pointing to a photo of him cradling the dead fighter’s head. “He looks like he could be sleeping. Which was actually going to be my original defense at trial until my lawyers told me the jury wouldn’t buy it.”
