TAL BAYDAR, Syria — A lieutenant in the middle of calling in an air strike on ISIS fighters has told the pilots he needs just another minute or two to figure
FORT MEADE, Md. — President Donald Trump is furious after a US Cyber Command offensive cyber operation deleted more than half his Twitter followers, sources confirmed today. The operation, dubbed Cheeto
WASHINGTON — Congressional leaders from both parties told reporters they were baffled recently after Defense Secretary Jim Mattis sought their approval before going ahead with missile strikes against the Assad regime
THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense is warning female service members that they could face harsh punishment if they are caught wearing dinosaur hand puppets while being sexually assaulted by
YOUR BASE — Sources at the base headquarters office are reporting that you and everyone else in your unit are to report immediately to the base fitness center for what they
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Maj. Gen. Terry Haston, the adjutant general for the Tennessee National Guard who ended and ruined several careers over a lighthearted reenlistment video featuring a puppet, has revealed
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Following outrage over a viral video in which an Air National Guardsman reenlisted while wearing a dinosaur hand puppet, Tennessee National Guard Adjutant General Maj. Gen. Terry Haston
MARQUETTE, Mich. — For one veteran the issue of stolen valor is more than a viral YouTube video meme. It truly hits home. Lt. Col. John Landsteiner was all set to
WASHINGTON — The first worldwide Jody Conference has been a "rousing success," according to several organizers and participants from the event. Initially conceived as a joke by a civilian
ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Md. — Army Pvt. Naomi Gage is the worst soldier in the history of the service, says a sergeant who recently asked her out on a date. Gage
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A hero on the home front is doing his part for the troops by tying your wife down with yellow ribbons, sources confirmed today. After standing
YOUR HOME — Many of the troops you lifted up in prayer in church Sunday morning are likely masturbating, drinking heavily, or engaged in barracks orgies, sources confirmed today. Sources say
I do not know why you all look to me to give you direction for your weekend activities, much less your lives. Had I the choice, I would remove the
ATLANTA, Ga. — Marco Estevez considers himself an average teenager. He barely squeaks by in his classes, enjoys spending time with his friends, and doesn't know what he'
PACIFIC OCEAN — In an unprecedented show of force as the United States and China battle for supremacy in the South China Sea, the U.S. Navy's Pacific Fleet
WASHINGTON — Excitement has erupted among military veterans after President Trump's latest move to nominate Dinosaur Puppet as the new Secretary of Veterans Affairs, sources confirmed today. Dinosaur Puppet,
STAFFORD COUNTY, Va. — Sheriff’s Deputy Beau Quarles says he was “really impressed” with a local veteran’s "I served" bumper sticker, later calling it “humbling,” “eye-opening,” and
NINE PALMS, Ca. — After a cold snap in February wreaked havoc on area flora, the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center 29 Palms was renamed Nine Palms in a somber,
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Veterans Affairs nominee Rear Adm. Ronny Jackson has vowed to give up drinking sometime next Monday or perhaps Wednesday at the latest, sources confirmed today. "These
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Coast Guard says it will respond to more than 3,000 incidents this year, likely resulting in more than 200 lives saved, at least 3,800
QUANTICO, Va. — According to an extensive, Marine Corps-wide survey, 100 percent of first sergeants think you’re a piece of garbage, sources confirmed today. “The results were really pretty conclusive,
YAVIN IV — The Rebel High Command announced Thursday it had indicted several Rebel officers for fraud and bribery, including the legendary Adm. Gial Ackbar. Ackbar, along with several other senior
THE PENTAGON — Embattled Hollywood icon and pudding pop aficionado Bill Cosby will be forced to resign at the pay-grade of O-5, reflecting his many years of service to the U.
STUTTGART, Germany — U.S. Africa Command has completed its long-awaited investigation of itself after the deadly Oct. 2017 ambush in Niger and has found no problems whatsoever, sources confirmed today.
THE PENTAGON — Defense Department officials stressed that military aviation was "not a crisis" just hours after presidential helicopter Marine One crashed into the The White House, sources confirmed
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