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DALLAS, TX — Citing the government shutdown, the U.S. military has been forced to end its 39-year deployment of black helicopters tasked with monitoring controversial radio host Alex Jones,
The following is an opinion piece written by a U.S. Navy Band Clarinet. Is it me, or is this whole “sequestration” deal complete bullshit? Like, this is serious. Base
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY — National Park Service rangers worked in conjunction with the Army Corps of Engineers today to cap off one of the nations beloved landmarks, "Old Faithful,
ANNAPOLIS, MD – The Naval Academy stopped paying its civilian instructors on Tuesday as a result of the government shutdown, and told students and military staff members to “just figure it
SOMALIA — Sources confirmed that members of the elite U.S. Navy SEAL Team 6 captured a member of the Al Shabaab terror group just weeks after they pulled off a
OSLO, NORWAY – Syrian President and all-around great guy Bashar al-Assad will receive the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, announced Nobel Committee Chairman Thorbjørn Jagland in a press conference today.
THE PENTAGON — A Sergeant Major was found unconscious in a Washington brothel Sunday morning, after an all-night marathon session of sex with multiple prostitutes, fueled by large amounts of
WASHINGTON DC — The Army's top logistician has confirmed that due to the government shutdown, the Army has completely run out of red tape. "We've been
WASHINGTON, DC — President Obama's pick for the next Homeland Security chief replacing Janet Napolitano has alleged ties to right-ring radicals that the agency sees as potential terror
BAGRAM AIR FORCE BASE — Suicide prevention has become a major Pentagon initiative as the U.S. military has struggled with the issue in recent years, and now officials say they
FT. CAMPBELL, Ky. — Staff Sgt. Salvatore Orpi feels he has done everything by the book: He's never earned a negative mark in his evaluations, has been decorated for
FT. HOOD, TX – A commissioned officer fresh from training and recently arrived at the 1st Cavalry Division made a promise to "not screw up" to soldiers of the
JUST OUTSIDE THE MAIN GATE – The ongoing proliferation of negative stereotyping aimed at military spouses shows the widening disconnect in the perception of the modern military family. This hurtful divide
FORT MEADE, MD — The National Security Agency reported a dramatic drop in teen sexting between 2012 and 2013 , with potentially disastrous national security implications. Gen. Keith Alexander, Director of the
PALM BEACH, FL — From the upscale Palm Beach corporate headquarters of his Excellence in Broadcasting Network, right-wing radio host Rush Limbaugh unloaded on America’s men and women in
FORT HOOD, TX — Sources confirmed today that the guy in the back of formation is doing that goddamn thing again. Contrary to express command, this dude just won't
NORFOLK, VA – The special operations community has been rocked by news the Navy's elite counter-terrorism force, SEAL Team 6, recently failed mission requirements for operational dental readiness.
FAYETTEVILLE, NC — A herd of dependents were found in the Fayetteville Harris Teeter early Sunday morning, having escaped from the confines of Fort Bragg. “It’s a combination of two
PAKISTAN – The pretentious vale of Little Berkeley is buzzing with excitement as locals whisper of the much-anticipated return of the extremist group, al Qaeda. The group broke through to
WATERS UNKNOWN – Describing every day as a bottomless trove of new and exciting opportunities, sailors aboard the frigate USS Simpson say they are getting the absolute most out of their
FORT MEADE, MD — His financial stability rocked by furloughs, overtime cuts and stagnant promotions, NSA Senior Analyst Eric Delhugh was having trouble paying his bills. He considered himself a patriotic
KAPISA PROVINCE, AFGHANISTAN – A battalion of soldiers has unexpectedly and completely withdrawn from its Area of Operations after discovering a "spider-hole" containing a giant arachnid. A squad
Soldiers patrolling in Flint, Michigan, or Mosul, Iraq, or Kabul, Afghanistan. We're not totally sure. THE PENTAGON — Troops headed overseas will soon be offered the most realistic combat
Kathleen Sebelius WASHINGTON, DC — Following yesterday's disastrous Obamacare hearing on Capitol Hill, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has released a video message to Youtube where she
QUANTICO, Va. – Despite a relatively high turnout and a large amount of publicity, Marine officials announced that this year's first Marine Corps Spelling Bee — an offshoot of the
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