Legendary recruiter’s top-3, can‘t-miss ways to bag a soldier
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Report: Entire family blames you for younger cousin’s decision to enlist
COLUMBIA, Mo.—A report commissioned by Granny and Poppop has found that family members unanimously blame you for your younger cousin Theo’s decision to enlist in the Marine Corps.
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Army to award ‘expert soldier badge’ upon completion of MEPS
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New twist in SEAL war crimes case: 'The ISIS fighter is still alive, and I am him,' Gallagher says
In a major twist in the trial of a Navy SEAL accused of stabbing an ISIS prisoner to death, Chief Special Warfare Operator Eddie Gallagher has come forward with a
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Lesbians, lance corporals compete for shortest engagements
WASHINGTON—According to a study released this week by the Partnership for Marriage, lesbians are in tough competition with Lance Corporals for the nation’s shortest engagements. “We were surprised
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Thomas Jefferson gives your July 4th holiday weekend safety briefing
When in the course of the division training schedule it becomes necessary to release the soldiery, sailory, and, er, Marinery on a 4-day weekend for this momentous July 4 holiday,
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Incoming Sergeant Major of the Army hints at new throwback uniform design
THE PENTAGON—Sources say the newest Sergeant Major of the Army plans to field a throwback uniform to inspire pride within the ranks and prepare the Army for the impending
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Polk soldier: ‘No shit, there I wasn’t’
FORT POLK, La.—Army Pvt.1st Class Sherman Williams shocked the local military community last night when he reportedly said he was nowhere near those awesome events, sources told Duffel
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Soldier catches wife sleeping with woobie
FORT BRAGG, N.C.—Pvt. Joe Jonathans recently returned from his nine-month deployment to Kuwait only to find his wife neck-deep in bed, covered in Jonathans’ Woobie. A soldier’s
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Oh, no! This bridezilla wants her bridesmaids in full MOPP 4
LUKE AFB, Ariz.—Tech. Sgt. Ashley Ferris' bridesmaids are reeling after finding out what they would be wearing to her wedding this summer. In a sassy group message, Ferris
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Russian T-14 tanks spotted on the national mall
WASHINGTON—As the nation's capital prepares for President Donald J. Trump's Independence Day military parade, sightseers are being treated to a fleet of military vehicles in
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Audiobook of Army operations field manual hits seven downloads on iTunes
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan.—The audiobook version of the Army's operations manual, which will drive how the force fights in future large-scale combat operations, received its seventh download on
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Drone pilots now authorized to telecommute
LAS VEGAS—Drone pilots will now be able to strike targets anywhere in the world from the comfort of their home. Citing increased flexibility for remotely piloted aircraft operators, Defense
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Pilot trusts feelings, turns off targeting computer, bombs hospital
KANDAHAR—A U.S. Navy pilot turned off his targeting computer during a bombing run and killed four hundred civilians, according to a recent statement issued by public relations. Lt.
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Lieutenant unsure if platoon behaving better or just not getting caught
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif.— First Lt. Connor Boyd, a weapons platoon commander with Kilo Company, 3rd Battalion, 7th Marines, spent this past Sunday nervously staring at his phone, waiting for the
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Wow! This Colonel just inspired his Marines to not lock their knees and pass out as he talks
CAMP PENDLETON — A Marine colonel has left his mark on the Corps with an inspirational speech before he retired, telling the assembled Marines that they should always "do their
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Army Cyber brigade requests exemption from online training
FORT MEADE, Md.—The Army's most elite cyber operations unit has requested a blanket exemption from conducting mandatory online training, according to several sources familiar with the matter.
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Trailblazing Marine refuses to identify as rifleman
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — In a stunning rebuke of the Marine Corps' "every Marine a rifleman" credo, trailblazing Pvt. First Class John Standle has rejected the label
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Warrior souls searching Valhalla for missing hammer
ASGARD—Valhalla has been on lockdown for the past millennium, as warrior souls have been searching for the missing hammer of Thor, according to Valkyries close to the situation. "
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Guam finally capsizes
THE PACIFIC OCEAN—After years of warnings from Congress, the island of Guam has finally capsized, according to several Department of Defense officials familiar with the matter. Satellite imagery confirmed
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OPINION: I mushroom stamped the moon
50 years ago today, Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, and I took part in one of the greatest adventures in the history of mankind. Together we landed on the moon, planted
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National Guard general who avoided combat in every war since Vietnam retires
MIST COUNTY, Minn.—After a long career, it is finally time for National Guard Brigadier General James "Lucky" Lawrence to put away his lightly used combat boots. On
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Taliban confirms they won’t visit the White House if they win the war on terror
SHARANA, Afghanistan—Mohammad Omar confirmed in a press conference on Wednesday that the Taliban will not visit the White House if it wins the War on Terror. Omar cited numerous
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Ford announces 'deployment edition' Mustang
THE PENTAGON – Reporters and spectators crowded the River Parade Field as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford, stood beside the president and CEO of Ford Motor
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ISIS militant not promoted after failing to complete suicide awareness training
SYRIA — One of ISIS's top performers was passed up for a promotion yesterday for failing to complete computer-based training on suicide awareness. The decision was internally leaked and
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