WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama last week ordered troops to Chad, after a photo of a former service member with the hashtags #recallmetoduty #tobringthegirlsback went viral, but polls indicate that most Americans don't know who the fuck Chad is, or why he even needs special forces.
As Chad is poorly known in Washington, Defense Intelligence Agency analysts searched on Facebook to gather a preliminary assessment.
Chad, formally known as Chad Sanders, is a white male who is single, according to the DIA. Special Operations Command (SOCCOM) has been given a profile picture which shows him wearing a pink polo shirt with the collar popped up and a visor that is slightly angled to one side. The angle is thought to be related to whatever African political party he is a member of. He has blond hair that is heavily gelled and is wearing a college fraternity ring on his right hand.
