REDSTONE ARSENAL, Alabama — The Army admitted Monday that the poison supply on one of its major research and development bases had become severely contaminated with drinking water.

Col. Bill Macy, spokesman for Redstone Arsenal, the Alabama base where the government does much of its testing of rockets and new weapons systems, spoke to the press ahead of a general release of the audit from the Office of the Inspector General.

“While it’s true that Redstone’s supplies of dioxin, sarin, mustard, and good ol’ American rocket fuel have been contaminated by drinking water, I want to assure residents of this base, and of the beautiful city of Huntsville right outside our gates, that the problem is being handled,” Macy said in response to a question from Village Voice.

“Individuals who want to knock off their spouse, or assassinate a Russian dissident on NATO soil, will still be able to get fresh poison right from the tap.”