Coast Guard commissions new cutter 'Ashton Kutcher'

The hero of the shallow seas finally gets his due.

By Slab Squatthrust

PHILADELPHIA — The U.S. Coast Guard on Monday commissioned the USCGC Ashton Kutcher (WCC 1256) at Penn’s Landing in honor of the actor who played a Coast Guard rescue swimmer in the film The Guardian.

Adm. Linda Fagan, the commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, presided over the ceremony and invited Mr. Kutcher, who was not present at the…